The Exposure Effect: An In Depth Look on Guys
by Lolerskatez
Summary: Ten facts and ten days. Proving clichés was never easier.
1. Fact One

**Disclaimer! **If I owned Crisis Core, sneaking into the warehouse on top of that mountain would be _so_ much easier. Dx

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**Fact One: ****Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.**

Somewhere along the line of maturity, there's a point in time when your best friend changes from just another kid to a woman. And I mean _woman. _With all her… woman-ness.

Short stubby legs? Goodbye! Say hello to two stairways to heaven.

Baby fat? Long gone. Please welcome in "curves in all the right places", courtesy of Mother Nature and damn good genes.

It's with these changes that you start to look at her differently.

You get… _feelings_… about her.

Weird feelings.

…

(All originating in the general crotch area.)

Most of them are pretty controllable if you try hard enough.

However, we men have one weakness that sets our hormones crazy and creates some fury _down under_, if you get my drift?

Thirty two pearly-whites set behind two of the softest red lips that just make me wanna shove her down and—

Er, yeah. She smiled at me.

Dear God, am I in love?

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**A/N: **I always thought Zack would've been horny as a teenager. I can feel it in my bones. e____e But yeah. Here's my next mini-series! It's based off of those God-awful "Twenty Things All Guys Should Know About Girls!" except I've changed it so it's "Ten Things Girls Should Know About Guys," because oddly, I find it easier to write from a guy's POV. Is that weird? Then again, I never said I was normal. ^^" Until next time, my lovely harem~~


	2. Fact Two

**Disclaimer! **If I owned Crisis Core, _Loveless_ would be an actual book.

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Fact Two: Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

Picture this: freaking hot summer day and an even hotter girl sitting next to the pool tanning. (Oh, and her friend. Sure, Elena the Femi-Nazi wasn't my type, but I wasn't one to pass up two girls stretched out in bikinis.)

So I just casually walk over to the pool and start doing crunches. Shirtless. And covered in sweat.

But still can't tell if she's looking at me through her sunglasses.

Obviously, I gotta step up my game.

High dive, here I come!

I climb up the ladder and finally get on top of the diving board. I look down, but I still can't tell if she's watching.

And that's when I remembered I'm afraid of heights.

My legs start trembling and the horizon starts to teeter. Before I know it, I jump off the board and plummet downward, yelling at the top of my lungs.

_SPLASH!_

I didn't need to be above water to know that everything within a mile radius was soaked.

Once my head broke the surface, I was greeted by screaming and swearing. (Cue the Femi-Nazi. She probably wasn't too happy about that.)

A pair of feet were situated in front of me as I swam towards the edge of the pool. With apprehension, I looked up.

Uh oh. That wasn't the Femi-Nazi.

It was Cissnei. And she was _pissed_.

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**A/N: **Can you detect the fanservice in this chappie? Then you win! What you ask? EVEN MORE FANSERVICE!!


	3. Fact Three

**Disclaimer! **I own the game, just not _the game_, y'know? Dx

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**Fact Three: If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.**

Where had I gone wrong?

That jump was (nearly) flawless!

…

Maybe she wasn't impressed with the execution? No, that wasn't it…

Was it because she got wet? No, that wasn't it either. Elena would be prissy like that, but Cissnei _liked _water. She was probably sunbathing with the Femi-Nazi just because she didn't want to go into the pool alone.

…

Right?_ Right??_

I groaned and rested my forehead in my palm. It'd been three days since she'd talked to me; three days spent seated next to the phone, on MSN messenger, and open to my email all at once, just waiting for something that said—

_One new message, _my inbox read.

I frantically clicked the hyperlink, everything in me hoping for her name to show up on—

"$10 sex toys and inflatable dolls? What the hell?" Damn you, spam.

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**A/N: **Hm, I don't have much to write at the moment. Oh, well. Until next time, my lovely harem~~ :D


	4. Fact Four

**Disclaimer! **I wonder what would happen if I _did _own Crisis Core? ... *mind wanders*

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**Fact Four: Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you, may end up being admired by your boyfriend.**

You. Are. A. _Dumbass._""

"I'm a dumbass."

Elena tucked her hair behind her ear so she could get a good look at me. It kinda felt like being scrutinized by a dinosaur.

…

More specifically, a Velociraptor. (You know, the little midget dinosaurs that not only tear _you_ apart, but make fun of you in the process.)

"Do you _honestly_ think that Cissnei was pissed because you didn't jump off the diving board? Because you _fell?_" Femi-Nazi said with her hands on her hips. (Dear Lord, she's going to make some unlucky guy one naggy wife.)

"Well, when you put it like that…" I started, rubbing the back of my neck. Elena groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Like I said, you're a dumbass. No, you're worse than that. You're just stupid. If brains were gold, you'd be poorer than Ron Weasley, and that's saying something," she said with a dismissive wave. I blinked at her.

"… You did _not_ just use a Harry Potter reference."

"Screw shiny vampires; Hogwarts is where it's at," was her reply. "But that's not the point. The point is that she wasn't mad because you fell. She was mad because you fell trying to impress her." I just blinked at her again. Elena brought her face to her palm and shook her head slowly.

"I knew you were stupid, but _this_…" She sighed and looked up at me. "Alright, _Fair_," Elena said as if it was some kind of nasty foot fungus. "If you want to make things right with Cissnei, you should realize that _girls _don't call _guys_, _guys _call _girls_." A light bulb went off in my head.

"That's it!" I screamed. "That's why she won't talk to me! Because I have to talk to her first!" I picked Elena up in a bear hug. "Elena, you're a genius! Maybe you aren't such a Femi-Nazi after all!"

"What did you call me?"

Oops.

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**A/N: **Anyone else think that Malfoy has some great one-liners? (Sure, he's a Slytherin, but Moaning Myrtle said it herself; he's bullied, too, and he feels insecure, too. Beating on the Golden Trio is his stress ball.) I should start a running tally of how many Twilight and Harry Potter references I can stick in these things. Well, until next time, my lovely harem~~ :D


	5. Fact Five

**Disclaimer! **If I owned Crisis Core, then Zack's death would involve lasers.

...

Because death by lasers is cool.

...

Here's the story! 8D

**

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**

**Fact Five: Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.**

_Salutations, dear Cissnei. It is I; Fair. Zack Fair. I was just calling upon you to implore you for your forgiveness. I have erred and for that, I can no longer bear myself until—_

No, too stuffy.

_Yo, shawty! What's crackin', boo? I'mma let you finish, but I was whack, dawg—_

Not even gonna go there.

_Hey, Cissnei. It's Zack. I'm really sorry for what happened at the pool. I didn't mean to make a complete idiot out of myself and embarrass you. So if we could forget it ever happened and you could forgive me, I'd really like that._

Perfect.

I kissed the paper that had the words that would secure my place in Cissnei's heart (and pants!) as I picked up the phone and started dialing the number I could never forget.

_Riiiing._

_Riiiiiiiing._

_Riiiiiiiiiing._

The dial tone seemed to be mocking me, as if stretching out each tone to tell me she _wasn't _going to pick up, and that I'd just wasted a good half-hour of my life trying to figure out the perfect thing to say so I could possibly look like less of an ass to the girl who's got a death grip around my heart, head, and manhood—

"_Hello?_" Came Cissnei's musical voice through the receiver. I blanked. I hadn't expected her to pick up. Not that I minded her picking up. Picking up is good! That way I can apologize and show her what a gentleman I really am so that she'll—

"_So she'll what?_"

"… Did I say that out loud?"

"_Yeah, Zack. You did. So, was there any reason you decided to call? 'Cause I—"_

"Yes!" I said frantically and a little louder than I would've liked. I looked down at the paper, but the words seemed to jumble around the page in my frantic state of panic.

"I… Uh…" I said. Real smooth. If she didn't think I was an idiot before, she did now.

"_You aren't an idiot, Zack. You're just selectively smart."_

Damn it. I really had to stop doing that.

"_So, what's up with you?_" Cissnei asked nonchalantly into the receiver. I blinked and took a deep breath. Now was my moment to shine.

"I was just thinking about you and about how I'm so sorry for embarrassing you the other day. I hope you can forgive me." And they said bull-shitting your way through junior high wouldn't get you anywhere. Pfffft.

"_Embarrassing me?" _Cissnei asked. "_You think that's why I was so mad?_"

Oh, no. This wasn't the way the plan was supposed to go. Abort mission. Abort mission—!

"_You know what?" _The ginger said. "_… Um… Never mind…"_ She said. "_I'm really busy right now, so do you think I could call you back later?"_

"Y-yeah…" I said. "Sure…"

_"Alright, bye-bye!"_

_Click!_

Shiiiiiiii—

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**A/N: **Also in the running tally; how many times "I'mma let you finish" works its way into a story. On a completely different note, if you, the reader, would be so kind as to vote in the poll on my profile, it would be much appreciated. I'm trying to figure out which direction I should go with my next series, so if you like this story and would like to see more like it (or perhaps something a little more serious?) then please vote! Good day, harem~~


	6. Fact Six

**Disclaimer! **If I owned Crisis Core, there would be more innuendo that Zack wanted to get into Cloud's pants. Or Sephy's. Really, it doesn't matter who, as long as whoever his pants call for has--in the words of Axel'sWaterBaby--"brotherly jewels". They could be like Lady Gaga (who I will feature in a chapter even if it kills me. Dx)

Enjoy!

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**Fact Six: Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what? ...Um...Never mind..." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.**

"Maybe you sounded too desperate?"

"Yeah! Ladies want their man to be packin', not a freakin' pansy, yo."

"Reno, you aren't helping…"

I groaned and let my head fall to the table the four of us (me, Reno, Rude, and Tseng) had at the food court in the mall. Tseng and Rude (well, Tseng at least; I never know what Rude's thinking behind that reflective cueball head of his and those damn sunglasses he wears _inside_) seemed to be genuinely interested in my lack of getting any from Cissnei, but Reno seemed perfectly happy to just sit here and stare at the sample girl's ass over at the Chinese food place. (Think her name was Yuffie? Hope he knows that she's Vincent's girl… Otherwise, he may end up getting kicked in the crotch.

…

Again.)

"Zack, perhaps you're thinking to hard about this?" Rude offered, speaking for the first time since the dinosaurs roamed the Earth.

"He doesn't seem to be thinking logically about this at all," Tseng said with a shake of his head.

"**_Denied!_**" Reno shouted, pointing over-dramatically at me. "Way to go, Tseng-bird!" He held his hand up for Tseng to high five him.

Tseng didn't move.

"Denied," Rude said shortly. Reno fell off his chair.

"Oh, got him!" I laughed.

"At least Cissnei isn't keeping secrets from me!" Reno yelled from the floor.

…

"Look what you've done, Reno. Now Zack's resorted to cultivating mushrooms on his head. What are we going to do now?"

"… You wanna go egg his car?"

"Hn."

I hate my friends.

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**A/N: **I really had no idea what to write for this one. I just put in a bunch of stuff I hear guys say because I've started to realize that I'm making Zack sound like a pansy.

And dear lord knows the fangirls would kill me if I turned Zack into a teenybopper. Dx

…

Check out my hook while my DJ revolves it! (If you know where this is from, I love you. :3)


	7. Fact Seven

**Disclaimer! **I don't own Crisis Core. If I did, the Cloud Song would make its way in there somehow.

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**Fact Seven: Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.**

You know those crappy love songs that guys write to get into a girl's pants? You know, "Every Breath You Take" by the Police, "Right Here Waiting For You" by Richard Marx, and "You're Beautiful" by that fruity guy?

Those songs are starting to make sense. I'm seriously starting to feel like Peter from that one episode of Family Guy. (You know. The one with Lionel Richie. No? … Well, shit.)

I'd been trying to figure out what went wrong between Cissnei and me for the past four hours, and finally, it hit me.

She got boobs.

Now, you Femi-Nazi types are probably think, "What a typical man! Only thinking about a woman's breasts! They're just sacs of fat! Her personality is more important!"

However, 99% of you are all women. (Gotcha. What now, son.)

Hear me out, though. The minute that girl got boobs, everything changed.

She started wearing make up. Not a lot, 'cause that would just make her look like a hoochie ho, but just enough to make Reno's eyes wander to her ass. (Then again, he'll chase anything in a skirt.)

She also started wearing more—ahem—_form-fitting _clothes. Tank tops and booty shorts when it's hot, leggings and skirts when its cold, can you really blame me?

But the worst part?

She kept talking to me, oblivious of how beautiful she was.

And I guess, in between all our long talks, laughs, and silly little fights… I fell in love.

…

Dear God, I'm starting to sound like that fruity guy.

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**A/N: **This one didn't really fit with the prompt, but whatever! I'm just BS-ing through this now. :Db


	8. Fact Eight

**Disclaimer! **If I haven't owned Crisis Core for the first seven chapters of this thing, what makes you think I'm going to suddenly claim it as mine? Have fairies come and blessed me with the copyright to the Final Fantasy series? Because if they have, you've been eating the yellow snow.

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**Fact Eight: Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.**

**BustinnOutt **has signed in.

**Reno911 **has signed in.

**BustinnOutt: **hey reno

**Reno911: **yoooo zack wassup?

**BustinnOutt: **cissnei's planning a party, but she didn't invite me. what should i do?

**BustinnOutt: **reno?

**Reno911: **idk get her a puppy

**Reno911: **wat makes u think i kno? im just tryin 2 watch wwe smackdown w/ rude

**BustinnOutt: **thanks, reno. you've been as helpful as ever.

**BustinnOutt **has left the conversation.

**BustinnOutt **has signed in.

**AirStrike **has signed in.

**BustinnOutt: **yo tseng!

**AirStrike: **Hi, Zack. Did you need something?

**BustinnOutt: **yeah. you know how cissnei hasn't been talking to me?

**AirStrike: **Of course. It's all you ever talk about these days.

**BustinnOutt: **any ideas to get her un-mad at me?

**AirStrike: **Sorry, this isn't really my area of expertise. Perhaps you could ask Reno?

**BustinnOutt: **yeah… he told me to get her a dog.

**AirStrike: **Isn't she allergic?

**BustinnOutt: **yeah.

**BustinnOutt: **well, thanks anyway. i'm going to go try and figure something out.

**AirStrike: **Good luck!

**BustinnOutt **has left the conversation.

**BustinnOutt **has signed in.

**GrandSparkRude** has signed in.

**BustinnOutt: **rude!

**BustinnOutt: **… rude?

**BustinnOutt: **… damnit.

**BustinnOutt **has left the conversation.

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**A/N: **Oh, Reno~~~ As helpful as ever~~~ (Guys totally gossip more than us females—aka the superior gener—do. ;D)


	9. Fact Nine

**Disclaimer! **Stop eating the yellow snow! Dx

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**Fact Nine: Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.**

I couldn't believe this.

The apocalypse had come. Screw 2012, the end of the world was _now_.

Stop the presses! Hell had officially frozen over!

I was taking Reno's advice.

On _girls_, no less.

That's like going to a crack house for vitamins, man! Or a prostitute for a hug! Or… Or _McDonald's for a salad! **A salad?? Who goes to McDonald's for a freaking salad--??**_

Ahem.

Please excuse the momentary insanity. I'm very hungry.

I've been trying to save up money to buy Cissnei that necklace she was looking at a couple weeks ago. Reno _had_ suggested I get her a present (but the dog was out. I don't want her blowing up like a pufferfish. That's not a sexy look, man.)

I hadn't eaten anything since this morning (since breakfast is the most important meal of the day!), but I was getting desperate. I'd already spent my lunch money on $20.00 worth of gumballs. I couldn't give Cissnei a sac of gumballs! She was a _girl_ for crying out loud, not a trained monkey! (Though, that would be kinda cool. Give her a little hat and cymbals as I played an accordian and she danced around with her little cymbals, asking for tips.

…

Did I really just compare my crush to a monkey?

…

I'm going to be _such_ a creeper when I get older.)

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I glanced over through the corner of my eye. Target in sight. Now all I had to do was make pleasant conversation, divert it's attention away from me, and strike at the most unexpected moment.

I inched over to the target, stealthily hiding the impliment behind my back.

"So."

…

"I see you like money."

…

"You know who else likes money?"

…

"MR. JACK!" I shouted, brandishing the construction tool in my hand. "IT'S HAMMER TIME, BITCH!"

_SMASH!_

Pieces flew everywhere, sending everything that was _inside_, out.

A few moments passed.

…

Utter silence.

…

And then—!

"What the hell? Only $25.00?" I turned to the shattered remnants of my piggy bank and flipped it the bird.

"Screw you, Mr. Piggums!"

Looks like I'd have to take out a loan from the Bank of Good Ol' Mom and Dad.

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**A/N: **This prompt makes me giggle. :3


	10. Fact Ten

**Disclaimer! **Last chapter, and still don't hold the copyright. Damn.

…

Well, I'll always have chicken. :|

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**Fact Ten: When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.**

$300 and 4.5% interest later, I had the necklace. I also texted Cissnei (trying to avoid more phone awkwardness, thank you very much) to meet me in front of the water fountain in middle of the park. Knowing Cissnei, she would come, and if she didn't, her curiousity would drive her here eventually.

I was running towards the park, glancing at my watch every so often.

_5:57._

_T-minus three minutes._

_Go go go!_

My eyes scanned the park. A couple bratty kids, screaming babies, the hobo that sleeps in the tunnel in the playground—aha! Ginger ahoy!!

"_Cissnei!_"

She turned around and her eyes met mine. Everything seemed to go into slow motion as I grinded to a halt in front of her. She looked worried.

"Zack, what's all this about?" She started, but I cut her off.

"Here," I said breathlessly as I handed her the blue velvet box. "This is for you to show you how sorry I am."

"Sorry?" Cissnei said as she opened the box. "Why are you—Oh… Zack, this is that necklace I've been wanting!" She looked up at me with confusion. "What's the occasion?"

"You're embarrassed to be seen with me…"

"Embarrassed?" Cissnei said, more surprised than I thought she would be. "Try worried, Zack. I know you better than you think I do." She did? _… **Crap. **_She didn't know all that stuff about the "in her pants" business, did she? Because that would take a _lot _of explaining—

"You're afraid of heights," the ginger continued. "So naturally, I'd be just a _little _worried when you decide, '_Oh, I'm going to jump off the high dive!_'" I breathed a sigh of relief, earning me a weird stare from Cissnei.

"Er, I'm just relieved you know me so well!" I bs'd said. Cissnei raised an eyebrow at me and did something I never expected her to do.

She laughed.

"Did I miss something?" I asked. "Because really, the only funny thing here is that you're laughing and not jumping my bones as thanks for that necklace I toiled to get you—"

And then she kissed me.

And what did I do?

I stood there and blinked like a freaking idiot. Real smooth, Fair.

Real.

_Freaking_.

Smooth.

"You know," Cissnei said, a sly grin on her face as she put the necklace on around her thin neck. "That whole 'wait for the guy to make the first move' is B.S. I'm definitely feeling the 'just go for it' vibe." I stuttered unintelligibly as the ginger grabbed my hand and led me out of the park.

"Where are we going?"

"Oh, you're just going to treat me to dinner and then maybe get a little dessert later~"

_Scooooooore._**A/N: **Looks like Zack isn't the only perv in this series. |'D. Mini-series officially over! Hope you liked it! 8D


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